I wonder how many hours I have spent obsessing ~ yes,that is the correct word ~ over my body. When I was young, it was because I didn't feel pretty "enough" ~ one paramour told me in my twenties that he just knew (!!) that one day I would 'grow into' my face. Needless to say,he was not around long.
I have worried about my weight so long that I can't remember a time when I was not counting calories,carbs, sugars,glutens or something. I honestly can not recall the last time I took a bite of something and just enjoyed it. Now THAT is sad.
I look in the mirror at my fifty something face and I don't see anything but the lines and age spots. I want to see the wisdom but somehow I am still a thirteen year old girl who just isn't good enough.
I want to be able to love myself and my body for what it is ~ the truth is that it is holding up pretty well considering what I have done to it over the last half century.
But~ today is not the day.
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