What do you do when you know someone is hiding something? Something dangerous ~ to themselves or others. Like an affair or an active addiction. Should you confront them? What if it is a child? Or a young adult? Should you offer help? What if they are in deep denial and their secret could have consequences to those YOU hold dear.
I have been dealing with such a situation for over five years. I am trying to do the right thing but the line keeps moving. I have offered my help, my guidance, really ANY thing I could do ~~ but the denial is so strong. So, now I have made the decision to wash my hands of the whole affair. I am trying to protect those I care for ~ even if it involves calling the cops. I have alerted those involved what to do if the situation spirals out of control...
But what bothers me the most about the whole thing is how cavalier those adults involved have been about the possible consequences to the others around this situation. They worry more about how "it looks" than the possible far reaching detriment to others. They want to keep the secret, they are tired, they have washed their hands of fighting anymore. They are enabling and hiding the bad behavior. They cover up. They DENY DENY DENY.
And ultimately all of us are paying the price.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
You gotta have friends
Tonight at dinner I was reminded once again about friendship. I like the give and take of it. I like that with my friends I can be myself without necessarily having to filter everything that I want to say. Not to say that I don't use discretion or kindness, just that I am not required to fit what I think/say/do to advance or fit the situation. It is nice to be able to be myself, to think out loud,get some honest feedback and know that I am okay with it.
My Nana told me when I was thirteen that if I had five good friends in my entire life, I would be a very lucky woman. She reminded me that there is a difference between acquaintances and friends. Friends are rare ~ they are honest with compassion, they stick by you when you are sick in body or heart,they give without expectation of payback. Friends are the people you want to be. They bring out the best in you and, if you are very lucky, allow YOU to bring out the best in them.
I have a few friends in my life. Some are my sisters by blood but all are sisters of the heart. Whether I have known them for 5 years or 45 years, I could honestly tell my Nana that I am indeed a very,very lucky woman for having them in my life.
My Nana told me when I was thirteen that if I had five good friends in my entire life, I would be a very lucky woman. She reminded me that there is a difference between acquaintances and friends. Friends are rare ~ they are honest with compassion, they stick by you when you are sick in body or heart,they give without expectation of payback. Friends are the people you want to be. They bring out the best in you and, if you are very lucky, allow YOU to bring out the best in them.
I have a few friends in my life. Some are my sisters by blood but all are sisters of the heart. Whether I have known them for 5 years or 45 years, I could honestly tell my Nana that I am indeed a very,very lucky woman for having them in my life.
Who are you?
When I am really honest with myself, I have to ask "who am I?". I am a wife and mother, a sister and a friend but who am I when I am all by myself?
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really get beyond the hurts of my past. Will I ever feel whole, worthy and ready? I hope that I will never stop seeking to improve myself. My quest is to leave a legacy of kindness with all that I meet. I know however that there are depths of fear and anger from those times that are yet unexplored. I mask them but know they are there like magma beneath the surface.
I want to be able to be comfortable with who I am and who I am becoming. I don't think that life really ever has a end as far as learning and exploring goes. I hope that I am open to new things and adventures. I like to think of myself as someone who pushes herself just a little bit further out of her comfort zone with every passing day.
I want to be able to look at people and see God in them. I want to be able to acknowledge that and feel good about it. I think that I am closer to that goal than I realize ~ even now. I feel that I am growing in honesty and integrity. What is that saying?? " I would like to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am"? That is my goal for this year.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever really get beyond the hurts of my past. Will I ever feel whole, worthy and ready? I hope that I will never stop seeking to improve myself. My quest is to leave a legacy of kindness with all that I meet. I know however that there are depths of fear and anger from those times that are yet unexplored. I mask them but know they are there like magma beneath the surface.
I want to be able to be comfortable with who I am and who I am becoming. I don't think that life really ever has a end as far as learning and exploring goes. I hope that I am open to new things and adventures. I like to think of myself as someone who pushes herself just a little bit further out of her comfort zone with every passing day.
I want to be able to look at people and see God in them. I want to be able to acknowledge that and feel good about it. I think that I am closer to that goal than I realize ~ even now. I feel that I am growing in honesty and integrity. What is that saying?? " I would like to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am"? That is my goal for this year.
Choosing Happiness
Now that the chaos is over, I realize how often I focus on the negative. So ~ I am posting this on my mirror and making it my January project.
Research shows that a key to happiness is squeezing out as much happiness as possible from a happy event, and as much as possible, we want to get more happiness bang for the buck by focusing on the four stages of appreciating a happy moment, i.e.,
1.anticipating with pleasure,
2.savoring the moment as we experience it,
3.expressing our happiness to ourselves or others, and
4.reflecting on a happy memory.
Research shows that a key to happiness is squeezing out as much happiness as possible from a happy event, and as much as possible, we want to get more happiness bang for the buck by focusing on the four stages of appreciating a happy moment, i.e.,
1.anticipating with pleasure,
2.savoring the moment as we experience it,
3.expressing our happiness to ourselves or others, and
4.reflecting on a happy memory.
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